When Morning Comes
by twilightstargazer
Summary: A part of him died too on the night of October 31st. Oneshot.


**_A request from a few months ago that cause quite a bit of pain._**

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The once beautiful house lay in ruins in front of him. As soon as he got the message from Dumbledore, he couldn't believe it. He didn't _want_ to believe it. It was just another stupid prank James was pulling. Any minute now he was going to jump out of the rubble with Lily and Harry in turn laughing his arse off. They couldn't be gone just like that. They couldn't.

A smoking wooden frame that once belonged to a window crumbled next to Sirius, but he paid it no heed. It wasn't real. He refused to believe that it was real.

Out of habit, he landed his bike in the back yard and as soon as he stepped onto the scene he felt hollow on the inside. It was as though a part of him had died along with James.

"Black? What're yeh doin' here?" a voice called. Sirius spun around, fluidly pulling out his wand and pointing it at the intruder.

"Hagrid?" he squinted into the darkness, just barely able to make out the large figure of a man.

"Ay," the giant lumbered forward. He patted a clumsy hand on his shoulder. "Dumbledore sent me to pick up Harry." He eyed the wand speculatively. "Keep a hand on that. Who knows what's still out here."

Sirius' head snapped up towards his. "Harry?" he asked, his voice cracking. "Harry's alive?" He didn't dare to breathe.

Hagrid nodded once. "Dumbledore reckons so," he sniffed wiping his dark eyes with a handkerchief the size of a pillow case. "He can't- he can't say the same for the others."

Sirius' heart cracked, sending an acute pain through his chest.

Immediately he began rooting through the rubble, ignoring the cuts and abrasions he acquired on his hands and forearms. "Harry," he chanted under his breath like a mantra. "Harry, Harry, Harry." The hope helped fuel him. It seemed as though he was searching forever when finally there was a victorious shout from Hagrid.

He ran over to where Hagrid stood holding a squirming whimpering bundle in his hands but immediately fell short as he caught a glimpse of Lily. Lovely Lily. His sister in almost every way. Hagrid was determinedly not staring at the body that lay a mere two feet away from him. She was lying in front of the mangled crib that he remembered helping James put together. He remembered that day. Sirius had shown up a whole hour early and caught the two of them in bed. Always shagging like rabbits those two. And then when Harry came along it had all changed. They refused to be separated from him. It seemed fitting that her final stance was to try and save her son. His stomach rolled uncomfortably and he thought that he was about to throw up or faint or both. This couldn't be real. Lily was always so full of life, it seemed impossible to believe that that life could be so easily sucked out of her.

"Pafoo," Harry cried, stretching out his arms towards him. Sirius snapped out of his trance. "Pafoo!"

Sirius looked at Hagrid who was trying to get Harry to stay one place, but the baby kept on wriggling. "Give him to me, Hagrid," Sirius rasped. "I'm his godfather, I'll take care of him. Give him to me." He needed Harry. Harry was all he had left and he was all Harry had left.

The giant shook his head. "Can't. Sorry. Dumbledore told me to get him straight over to the muggles."

"Muggles?" said Sirius, his lip curling. "You must be joking. You're giving Harry to _Petunia_? You can't do that. She _hates_ magic," he spat, thinking of the wretched woman he had the displeasure of meeting once in his life.

"Dumbledore's orders, Black."

The two men stared at each other. Finally, Sirius conceded, his shoulder slumping in defeat. "Can I just- can I just hold him once more before you leave? Please?" he begged. With a sigh, Hagrid grudgingly handed over the baby. Sirius gently rocked Harry until his whimpering stopped. He traced the angry red scar across his forehead with a shaky finger.

"Pafoo," he whimpered, grabbing his finger before crying out, "Mam! Da!"

Sirius took a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry. Lily's corpse flashed before his eyes and he swallowed hard. "Mam and Da aren't there, little one," he said, his voice brittle and hoarse.

Large green eyes, so similar to Lily's, stared back at him with confusion swirling in their depths. "…Mam…? Da…?"

"They're not here Harry!" Sirius said, cracking slightly and allowing tears to drip down his face. "They're gone," he said in a whisper. Harry started back crying again. "They're gone and they're not coming back. Lily and Prongs are gone."

Hagrid took him away from Sirius despite the increase in volume of his cries. "Take my bike, Hagrid," he told him. "I don't need it anymore. It'll get you over to the muggles faster than the Knight Bus." Sirius pushed the motorbike towards the half giant. It held too many memories of him and James. James was with him when he bought it, James was with him when they had that run in with the muggle police and Death Eaters. James was _always_ with him.

Tucking Harry safely into his coat, he nodded and straddled the bike. With one last duck of the head, he revved the engine and took off into the night. The engine was supposed to cover the sound of Harry's heart wrenching crying, but Sirius swore that he was still able to hear it even after they had long disappeared from sight.

The entire left side of the house was destroyed but somehow the door was still intact, swinging loosely on its hinges. Sirius found his feet leading him to it. Just a few paces in he froze, seeing James lying there, eyes closed and looking so peaceful that he could almost pass as though he was sleeping. Sirius knew he wasn't. When James was asleep he snored like a drunken sailor and curled up around whatever was near to him. This James was too quiet and too stiff. This wasn't James. It was just a body.

He couldn't help it anymore. Sirius fell to his knees in front of James and a sob was ripped from his chest. With one his hands, he clutched at a hand that had already gone cold. Another hand shakily reached out to push his specs back up the bridge of his nose before retrieving his wand from the overturned sofa and clasping it in James' other hand. Sirius didn't know how long he knelt there, shaking as a steady stream of tears continued falling down his face. When he finally stood up, his muscles were sore, his eyes were burning and there was a painful, gaping hole in his chest.

The sun was already out, filling the room with watery light. He looked away from the body of his best friend. Things were never better in the morning. They were always worse. He stumbled out the door and clenched his wand tightly in his hand. Straightening his back, Sirius walked out of the ruins with his head held high. The tear tracks that stained his cheekbones glittered in the light. He refused to wipe them off. His face, crumpled with pain and grief last night was now smooth and hardened with determination and when he walked, he walked with a certain purpose, no longing dallying.

He had found his outlet.

He had a rat to kill.

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**_Review if I made you cry. (Or became overwhelmed with feels.)_**

**_xoxo Nai_**


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